Peeling Back the Onion of Belly Dance Etiquette and Training

I just happened to look at a bunch of files that I had put away in drawers and I saw my policies and procedures for my old studio. It was interesting looking back and seeing what I had to implement so that I had a community like environment. Sometimes I had students come in who just didn’t understand that they couldn’t go answer cell phones while class was taking place. Others thought that they could bring in their kids without asking and there were a few who were put out when other students reprimanded their kids for yelling, screaming or running. I have this ability to give what’s called a ‘death glare’ and most of the time if anyone brought in their kids; I kept the kids in line. Other’s wanted to talk and have a gossip fest that I had to put a lid on. Let me make myself clear, I am not rule oriented but after my first year of running my own studio, I realized why rules were so important for keeping the peace.

I listen to dance teachers who talk about students who after awhile act inappropriately in their studios. Here’s a question, would anyone go into another persons home and act up and become belligerent? I doubt it because most people understand (or should) that this is inappropriate behavior. Why would a studio or group activity be any different; bottom line, it’s not.

I think what we have to look at is understanding what society expects which is a daily routine that we live with without thinking twice, unless of course we get a ticket, flat tire or cut off while driving. (Add in family drama, and needing extra sleep, taxes…sorry got off topic!) Anyways you get my meaning. We know that we have speed limits; we know we can’t cut in line at the grocery store or go into a store and walk out without paying for things. Just because people want recreation or a type of exercise that looks like fun does not mean there are double standards for conduct. So I think every student when they walk into a studio should be sat down and told about the history of Oriental dance “first” and then told that they are learning about different cultures meaning i.e. study is required. If research and study is required, I think students would look at learning this dance form in a different light. Guidelines and procedures should be in written form that is handed to student’s right after they sign a student/teacher agreement and pay for classes. I unfortunately had to learn this the hard way. I had drama, temper tantrums and sailors mouth experiences that happened my first year and I realized that sometimes you have to remind people to bring manners with them when they come to class.

Another aspect of dance that I wrote about in my blog a few weeks ago is the people who view our dance as cute, inconsequential and non-descript. They think because it’s fun and fanciful that teaching for free is a given. Another problem is people deciding what our price should be based on no factual information on training, expense and time. I had a woman call me and ask what I charge for parties. I told her I charge a flat fee of $250.00 and she told me immediately that I charged way too much. I told her that was fine and suggested she find another dancer. Interestingly enough, she then asked me how I felt I could charge such a huge amount for dancing. I told her I had been dancing for around 25 years, trained professionally besides teaching for many years. I then asked her how she could be in a position to decide what is too much. I asked her if she is still getting the same salary that she started with at her work. She told me, of course not, so I then told her it was the same for me with my work concerning my time, blood, sweat and tears besides money. So I made it clear how inappropriate it was for her to decide my worth without having any prior knowledge of my training. She then asked if I could give her a number of another dancer that might be available and I told her all my friends and I charge the same amount and I wouldn’t disrespect them by giving her their number to haggle over prices. Worth has to be in the eyes of each dancer and how well a dancer does financially with her dance depends on how much she stands up for herself and feels she’s worth.

The worth of a dancer isn’t just based on her enthusiasm to dance; it has to be a good business decision. There are quite a few women in belly dance that have to remember that even though they may be learning for fun or for recreational reasons, it costs money and it should be looked at as an investment.

Another aspect of the weekend dancer or hobbyist is the dilemma we have when dancers perform for free and the ultimate effects within any community dealing with undercutting. No one can compete with free and I wouldn’t want to but women don’t understand that they cause their own demise. When dancers get their fill of dancing for free, getting paid what they think they are worth won’t amount to a hill of beans. When you dance for free there is nowhere to go from there. If you start at a ball park price, you can always go up from there. The more experience you have, the more money you can ask for even if people don’t want to pay it, you have to figure out your cost according to what they offer to find your middle ground. I don’t back down from my asking price for performances and I don’t always get the gig but when I do I always have a sense of pride.

A while back a dancer and I got into a war of words because I felt what she was doing was offensive to the cultural esthetics of this dance form and the dancers who are hard core performers, the old school dancers of belly dance. She offers a course in belly dance that guarantees you will be a professional in less then a month. She lives in Spain but offers her course in Egypt and I have always wondered what Mahmoud Reda, Raqia Hassan or Farida Fahmy would say if they knew what she was up to. For some strange reason I ended up getting her spam and I ended up telling her I didn’t agree with her ethics and to please stop sending me her advertisements. I wrote about the topic that transpired between the two of us in my blog and what I thought was wrong with offering belly dance in a fast food style course. She wrote in a long explanation of her course and made it clear she had thousands of fans. Though I never heard of her before her spam, I realize that there are a few types of people who drastically need attention. The attention hog is somebody who has to be in the limelight and they won’t share what they consider is their rightful place. The passive aggressive manipulator does things behind your back so they can get to the ends of their means. They end up smelling like a rose and they leave you holding the bag. They get what they want by manipulating situations and by watching them unfold without admitting their guilt. Last but not least is the delusional fame seeker who is a bit like televangelists in a way because they not only need people to follow them blindly they also need people to give them money which is what I believe the dancer from Spain does.

Our dance form is different from all the rest because it takes more diligence to train. There aren’t many schools specifically for our dance form so women who are serious continually look for the right teachers, workshops and training to advance their dance skills. I admire belly dancers more so because they are dedicated to keeping belly dance alive and up to date with the modern world. Our dance has gone through so many changes with fusion styles and interpretations of the old form. With the progression of multitudes of dancers, change is also about fitting in with each generation that comes along. It’s important though for all dancers to understand the past of any dance form they are learning…this keeps them grounded and if anything, genuine to their interpretation.

At the end of any day dancers have to come to the forefront of their desires and remind themselves that success is not only in their heads but in their diligence in their training. There are no short cuts to getting to the top but in saying this I know that entertainment is not always fair to the die hards who have stuck it out and stayed because they are more passionate about their art then getting famous. I think there is a mix here of every kind of dancer and this is what is so wonderful about belly dance, it’s a rejoicing of the soul and a reconnection with self. It reminds men and women that their human bodies allow them to dramatized, perform, express and relate their feelings within a dance without worrying about being wrong with their interpretation. Creativity is allowed to shine and even though there are those negative Nellie’s who are disparaging, I still believe that this dance is so popular because it’s an art form that welcomes everyone to her. We are all equal when we step up to those mirrors for the first time, our reflections shy and apprehensive. It’s beautiful that we all have in common those first emotions of learning belly dance. If we keep this emotion in the forefront of our training and learning experiences I think we can all enjoy dance together.

Creativity never knows it has to be better then anyone else, human folly is what says this is so. One of the many purposes for dance is finding ourselves and being comfortable with not only our interpretation of dance but our physical self. But I have to say, there is one question that lingers in my mind and that is concerning  the intent of each dancer. Does intent go hand in hand with interpretation and if so what if there is negative intent that is apart of a dancers interpretation of her performance? Is creativity pure and authentic only when it is positive or is there an indifference to creativity with the intention of mind/thought? Perhaps we perceive in others creativity that which we can’t stand to see in ourselves. One thing I know for sure, I want to be open to people’s dance and I want to see creativity through their definition of how they live life. The truth of a person’s intent showcases itself in how we all feel after they have performed. There have been multiple times I was overflowing with exhilaration and enthusiasm after watching a show. Emotional and spiritual euphoria is a main component within the blue print of dance. It’s why we aspire to greater heights, that ultimate achievement. But then all dancers especially belly dancers find the next mountain to climb so they can constantly feel that unique validation called applause that comes at the end of each performance. Maybe validation for the average person is just to be alive but for dancers we ask for a different kind of validation. It’s unique because we require the constant participation of audiences to mirror back to us the validation of each performance. That in a way can be precarious because we are at the mercy of individual moods, ideals and mixed views of what is beautiful to watch. In some ways this can be the downfall of dancers because within each performance is that insecure thought that we all have to push out of our minds before we dance. “Will they like me?”

Years ago, I received the best validation of my life from a little baby girl named Samantha who would smile at various parts of my choreography and frown at other parts she didn’t like. Her laughter and smiles from all those years ago are the most Angelic I have ever experienced and even to this day I remember her giggles and laughter.  She died shortly after my performance, taken way too early from a family that loved her dearly. Sometimes when I dance I dance for her and maybe that’s what dance is all about, reasons outside of ourselves. We have to find something bigger then ourselves to dance for. For me it is a little Angel that has stayed in my heart all these years.

If we can remember to be human beings performing then I think we will find we have more in common then we ever thought.  Hans Christian Anderson said, “Just living is not enough… one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.” My little flower is Samantha, my sunshine is my daughter Savanah and having the freedom to dance my way makes it all worthwhile.  Maybe I’ll add one more thing to his quote…dance.